Dear Bryan,
There's some things I think you should know; some things I've been wanting to tell you.
We're doing all right. We miss you something terrible, but we're living again. We've continued some of your traditions. I bought Teri Grey's Anatomy and sent it from Lucy and Bandit for her Birthday. The dogs still give Christmas presents and we still hang your stocking.
I tried to make Mom and Dad and Teri watch Inception. I know you would have absolutely loved it and tried to get us all to watch it. I understand your frustration with us- Haha!
I have a dog! You would think she's adorable. Her name is Ellie and she likes to cuddle. And now that I'm a dog owner, I understood why you let Lucy chase after Blake all those years. Ellie chases shadow because she wants to play but Shadow is terrified of her. Part of me wishes Shadow would just man up and tell her to leave him alone. Lucy and I are the best of friends now. I know she and I didn't get along when you were alive but I don't know what I would do without her now!
Dad's adjusted to having 3 dogs in the house. In fact, he let Teri adopt a BIG dog. But the little ones were terrified of him so he had to go back. I think once I'm a little bit more financially capable, I'd like to star fostering Boston Terriers. That will be my way of carrying you on.
I wrote an awesome thesis and graduated on time. You would have gotten a copy if you had still been alive. It's dedicated partially to you, partially to Mom and Dad and Toons. I still can't believe I have my Master's Degree but I know you'd brag about it for me. And so I'm proud of that.
I'm bummed that you never got to visit New Hampshire. We would have had a BLAST! I have very few regrets in my life but I regret that I never got to show you around Boston/NH and I regret that are last conversation was about you missing the trip. We were both so bummed. Most days I can be at peace with it bc I know the fact that we were bummed proves that we were looking forward to seeing each other.
I got a tattoo for you. Mom and Dad weren't too happy, but they weren't too upset either. HA! I finally got away with something that you didn't get away with! And now I'm addicted. Scott and Amanda and Rachel took me. They've done a great job filling in as your voice. It's not the same as having you around but they mean a lot to us so we stay involved. You'd like their new house. It would be a blast to party there!
Your God Son is growing up so nicely. He's such a cute little kid! And Cori had a son. He's a ton of fun too. I get to be Aunt Katie to him and that means so much to me. Remember when we were saying that we felt behind schedule bc all our friends were getting engaged and married? Teri has informed me just how far behind I am -haha! She was sure I needed to be engaged by the end of college. Oops! Now the plan is that I have to have a kid before Lucy dies so Dad has someone to focus on.
Its weird that you will probably never meet the man I choose to marry. I mean I could marry someone you knew before you died but it doesn't seem likely right now. Remember when you tried to set Josh up with another girl? I won't ever forget it. And each guy I date, I wonder what you would think of him. If he doesn't meet what I think your standards would be, he doesn't last.
I live in Missouri now. I work at the University of Missouri. It would have been fun to take you to the 100th HC game. I think that's something you would have had fun with.
Teri has decided on a double major finally. She's making progress. And Mom is almost ready to Graduate. She's decided to go back and get her Master's Degree in counseling. Your death had effects that we didn't even expect. Leigh and Sean and I are closer now. Not as close as you three used to be, but closer than we were before. Kaylyn will get her DL next week and all I can think about is that picture you took of her when she was just a toddler.
I visit QT as often as I can. The folks in the DFW area really stepped in and took care of us when you died. They paid for a lot of the costs associated with your death and we were so grateful! Now Mom and I go a few extra blocks to stop at a QT if we need gas. And I'm addicted to their un-sweet Tea and Hot Dogs. That reminds me of the time you filled my stocking on Christmas Morning with stuff from the gas station HAHA!
I miss you. Give Blake a hug for me and find JoAnn up there too. Love you!
-kt
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Children
One day, I intend to have a big old family. Lately, through much discussion with my family and with friends who have children of there own I have started thinking about things I want to do with my future kids. Some of these things, my parents did with Bry and Teri and I, others are ideas I have found.
Every year for Christmas, each child will get an ornament and a book. Reading is important and if you want your children to read you have to instill reading as a habit in them. As for the ornaments, then when they finally move out, they have a collection of ornaments to put on their first Christmas tree.
Homework should be done as soon as you get home from school, not right before bed. Then you have the rest of the afternoon/evening to play (or read!).
Culture exposure once a month. I don't care what kind of culture, just something: trips to art museums, trying ethnic food, going to a concert of some sort.
My kids will have a pet. It does teach responsibility and it allows you to be comfortable with animals. My dad did not grow up with cats and dogs and was very uncomfortable around them for the longest time. He still gets nervous around big dogs.
I want to read out loud to the kids at least one night a week before bed. Mom did this with us as often as she could and I always loved it. It was calming. Also, I read a lot of great classics that I never had to read for school.
My children will read the following regaurdless of whether it's required or not for school): To Kill a Mockingbird, The Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, A Wrinkle In Time, Great Expectations, The Iliad and The Odyssey, Johnny Tremain, A Midsummer Night's Dream,Charlotte's Web, and whatever else I choose!
Volunteering. This is something I wish I do more currently. Its a work in progress. But I believe in giving back to the community.
I believe in demonstrating the importance of voting. When I go to vote, I will take my children with me, even if that means pulling them from school for a few hours.
I also believe in Mom dates. My mother and I make it a point to spend some time just the two of us whenever I'm home. Its nice to have the time together even if all we do is run errands for an hour.
I intend to teach my kids to play chess. Maybe once a month family game nights?
Once they are teenagers, they will be allowed one glass of wine or one beer at holiday celebrations. My parents did this with us and I think it gave me and Teri a healthy attitude towards alcohol. I wish Bry had learned this, too!
My parents never made us say "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Sir" but it's a habit I picked up from living in the south and it's one I like. I will teach my children to treat people with this little bit of respect. Its definitely not a New England thing... people get so shocked (and yet pleased) when you speak like that around them.
I will teach my kids how to bake and cook a little.
They will not get their Drivers License until they can check the fluids in a car, add more if needed, jump a car, and change a tire. This has served me well and I'm glad my parents taught me. One year, I was the only girl in the sorority house who knew how to use jumper cables.
I know life with kids is messy and uncoordinated and you have to go with the flow, so some of these things might not happen. But they are goals to work towards- things I intend to at least try to do with my kids.
Every year for Christmas, each child will get an ornament and a book. Reading is important and if you want your children to read you have to instill reading as a habit in them. As for the ornaments, then when they finally move out, they have a collection of ornaments to put on their first Christmas tree.
Homework should be done as soon as you get home from school, not right before bed. Then you have the rest of the afternoon/evening to play (or read!).
Culture exposure once a month. I don't care what kind of culture, just something: trips to art museums, trying ethnic food, going to a concert of some sort.
My kids will have a pet. It does teach responsibility and it allows you to be comfortable with animals. My dad did not grow up with cats and dogs and was very uncomfortable around them for the longest time. He still gets nervous around big dogs.
I want to read out loud to the kids at least one night a week before bed. Mom did this with us as often as she could and I always loved it. It was calming. Also, I read a lot of great classics that I never had to read for school.
My children will read the following regaurdless of whether it's required or not for school): To Kill a Mockingbird, The Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, A Wrinkle In Time, Great Expectations, The Iliad and The Odyssey, Johnny Tremain, A Midsummer Night's Dream,Charlotte's Web, and whatever else I choose!
Volunteering. This is something I wish I do more currently. Its a work in progress. But I believe in giving back to the community.
I believe in demonstrating the importance of voting. When I go to vote, I will take my children with me, even if that means pulling them from school for a few hours.
I also believe in Mom dates. My mother and I make it a point to spend some time just the two of us whenever I'm home. Its nice to have the time together even if all we do is run errands for an hour.
I intend to teach my kids to play chess. Maybe once a month family game nights?
Once they are teenagers, they will be allowed one glass of wine or one beer at holiday celebrations. My parents did this with us and I think it gave me and Teri a healthy attitude towards alcohol. I wish Bry had learned this, too!
My parents never made us say "Yes, Ma'am" and "No, Sir" but it's a habit I picked up from living in the south and it's one I like. I will teach my children to treat people with this little bit of respect. Its definitely not a New England thing... people get so shocked (and yet pleased) when you speak like that around them.
I will teach my kids how to bake and cook a little.
They will not get their Drivers License until they can check the fluids in a car, add more if needed, jump a car, and change a tire. This has served me well and I'm glad my parents taught me. One year, I was the only girl in the sorority house who knew how to use jumper cables.
I know life with kids is messy and uncoordinated and you have to go with the flow, so some of these things might not happen. But they are goals to work towards- things I intend to at least try to do with my kids.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Let It B
About 3 months after I turned 18, Bryan and I decided we wanted to get tattoos together. We were not planning on getting matching tattoos, just getting tattoos together. I think it seemed less scary if we got them together. Maybe Mom and Dad's anger would be halved or shared? Whatever it was, we wanted to get tattoos together.
We never seemed capable of making it happen though. I would be in town and Bry wouldn't have the money. Or we'd both have the money but not the time to devote to it. We just never made it happen. Then, when we were in Austin the summer before he died, we had the time and money and we tried. And they told us they wouldn't do it because we had been drinking. At that point, I honestly don't think either of us was drunk, but we didn't get tattoos.
And then Bry died. Maybe it's silly: I don't have many regrets in life, but I regret that we never made it happen before Bryan died.
A month into my grief, I knew I wanted to get a tattoo for Bryan. A memorial. I realized that one of the reasons I never had the time and money at the right time was that I didn't have anything I wanted as a tattoo that was worth spending that much on. Bryan was worth spending the time and money on though.
I actually tried to go to a tattoo parlor in NH before I flew home for Christmas that year but it was no longer there. Then, less than an hour after I landed, B's best friend called me and said the group was going to get Bryan tattoos and they wanted to invite me. I'm incredibly grateful they wanted to do this, too! For one, it made it easier on me to go with other people. And then it also showed me how much they loved B, too. Nothing will ever mean as much to me as it does to know about all the people who loved B so much.
And so, I went in with ideas and this is what I ended up with:
No, I did not forget the "e."
That always seems to be the question people ask me if they don't like tattoos. If they like tattoos, they're smart enough to know the lack of "e" was planned and ask what my tattoo means. Sometimes I explain in depth and others I just say it is for someone named "B."
I originally went in wanting a star with the letter B. B for Bry, a star because the only 2 things that helped calm me were the waves and the stars. Its amazing how small and insignificant you realize you are when looking at the stars or the waves. I don't mean that in a bad way either. I mean that God is so mighty and powerful. And that put a little perspective on my grief. Knowing that God was in control and had a plan helped in some small way. So since getting a tattoo of waves sounded silly, I wanted a star.
And then, from discussion with B's best friends, I realized my tattoo wasn't complete that way. Bryan introduced me to 90% of my taste in music. I probably would have discovered some of it through other people later on in life, but Bryan was the first person to make me listen to the Beatles. And country music (8 hour drive to the beach with Kenny Chesney's greatest hits on repeat!). And a little 80s band that half the people our age don't know. I can add Simon & Garfunkle to that list, too. And then there's the song about peaches (I'm smiling just thinking about this one. SO ridiculous!).
"Let it Be" seemed to fit so well with his attitude towards life. He made the best with what came his way, rarely stayed mad, and loved to laugh. So what if it's not perfect? There's something good we can find in the situation.
Now, let it B is a reminder to me; a reminder to be more like Bry, to stop stressing over the small stuff and enjoy life more, to laugh more and forgive people quickly.
As always, ripBPTily!
We never seemed capable of making it happen though. I would be in town and Bry wouldn't have the money. Or we'd both have the money but not the time to devote to it. We just never made it happen. Then, when we were in Austin the summer before he died, we had the time and money and we tried. And they told us they wouldn't do it because we had been drinking. At that point, I honestly don't think either of us was drunk, but we didn't get tattoos.
And then Bry died. Maybe it's silly: I don't have many regrets in life, but I regret that we never made it happen before Bryan died.
A month into my grief, I knew I wanted to get a tattoo for Bryan. A memorial. I realized that one of the reasons I never had the time and money at the right time was that I didn't have anything I wanted as a tattoo that was worth spending that much on. Bryan was worth spending the time and money on though.
I actually tried to go to a tattoo parlor in NH before I flew home for Christmas that year but it was no longer there. Then, less than an hour after I landed, B's best friend called me and said the group was going to get Bryan tattoos and they wanted to invite me. I'm incredibly grateful they wanted to do this, too! For one, it made it easier on me to go with other people. And then it also showed me how much they loved B, too. Nothing will ever mean as much to me as it does to know about all the people who loved B so much.
And so, I went in with ideas and this is what I ended up with:
No, I did not forget the "e."
That always seems to be the question people ask me if they don't like tattoos. If they like tattoos, they're smart enough to know the lack of "e" was planned and ask what my tattoo means. Sometimes I explain in depth and others I just say it is for someone named "B."
I originally went in wanting a star with the letter B. B for Bry, a star because the only 2 things that helped calm me were the waves and the stars. Its amazing how small and insignificant you realize you are when looking at the stars or the waves. I don't mean that in a bad way either. I mean that God is so mighty and powerful. And that put a little perspective on my grief. Knowing that God was in control and had a plan helped in some small way. So since getting a tattoo of waves sounded silly, I wanted a star.
And then, from discussion with B's best friends, I realized my tattoo wasn't complete that way. Bryan introduced me to 90% of my taste in music. I probably would have discovered some of it through other people later on in life, but Bryan was the first person to make me listen to the Beatles. And country music (8 hour drive to the beach with Kenny Chesney's greatest hits on repeat!). And a little 80s band that half the people our age don't know. I can add Simon & Garfunkle to that list, too. And then there's the song about peaches (I'm smiling just thinking about this one. SO ridiculous!).
"Let it Be" seemed to fit so well with his attitude towards life. He made the best with what came his way, rarely stayed mad, and loved to laugh. So what if it's not perfect? There's something good we can find in the situation.
Now, let it B is a reminder to me; a reminder to be more like Bry, to stop stressing over the small stuff and enjoy life more, to laugh more and forgive people quickly.
As always, ripBPTily!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Crafting for Cousins
When I was little, my mother made these cute little gloves for my sister and me. We LOVED them. They were fancy and made us feel like a million bucks. I decided to make a few pairs to send to some little cousins of mine. I think they will get a kick out of them.
They are incredibly easy to make. You will need:
-Gloves for little hands
-Stuffing of some sort (I used plastic grocery bags)
-Fabric Paint (Glittery is even better)
-Rhinestone/Jewels
Steps:
1. Stuff the fingers of each glove.
2. Paint nails on the fingertips.
3. Paint a ring band on the ring finger and immediately place a gem on top.
EASY! :)
They are incredibly easy to make. You will need:
-Gloves for little hands
-Stuffing of some sort (I used plastic grocery bags)
-Fabric Paint (Glittery is even better)
-Rhinestone/Jewels
Steps:
1. Stuff the fingers of each glove.
2. Paint nails on the fingertips.
3. Paint a ring band on the ring finger and immediately place a gem on top.
EASY! :)
Giving Thanks!
Since Thanksgiving is right around the corner, I think now is a great opportunity to be thankful for all the blessing God has put in my life. Really, we should choose to give thanks every day, no blessing is too small and they surround us each and every day. For now, I'll start with thanking God for something new everyday in November.
11/1: I am thankful for the professional development my job is pouring into me. In a few weeks, they are sending me on an all-expense paid trip to the Athletic Business Conference. I'm doing a pre-conference workshop that lets me tour backstage Disney and there is a session on the Vibram 5 Finger shoes that looks really interesting. And then in the spring, Mizzou will be sending me to get a climbing wall instructor certification as well.
11/2: I am thankful for Ellie, even if she isn't house trained yet. She makes coming home so much easier! She's always excited to see me and she cuddles up with me when I'm missing home. She also likes to walk me on her leash: She holds the leash in her mouth and pulls me places (haha).
11/3: I am so incredibly thankful for the folks who held Bry's hand after the accident, until the Medics got to the scene. They have touched my heart in ways I can't even explain. To value him enough to hold his hand even though things probably looked really grim is just amazing. I hope I would have the courage to do that in the same situation. They valued him as a human being, as somebody who belonged to somebody else. For the longest time after his death, I had sympathy for just about no one other than my family and this couple.
11/4: I am thankful for an evening to de-stress. I spent the evening in downtown, painting, eating pizza, drinking beer, and playing pool. After working for 2 weeks straight with out a day off, this evening was much appreciated.
11/5: Today I am thankful for a day off. I've done laundry and dishes, vacuumed the apt, I've got the crock pot on, I get to catch up on Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, hoping to even get some crafting done this afternoon.
11/6: I am thankful for good hot tea. Silly, I know, but tea has a way of calming me down and making me feel good. And it's calorie free. So much better than dessert!
11/7: I am thankful for Teri and Bryan. They shaped my life and they continue to influence me in a very positive way. I wouldn't be who I am today without them. I think about them each and everyday.
11/8: I am thankful for the students I get to work with each and every day. The Team Mizzou student staff is a great group. They challenge me and teach me (and the girls ALWAYS compliment my style). They make me laugh and they make me smile.
11/9: I am so thankful for my extended family, The Gozdeckis/Hayleys. Caitlin was the first person I called when I found out Bry had died. And they've allowed me to be a part of Henry's life as an aunt. Some days I think they know me better than I think I know me.
11/10: I am thankful for the 2 years I got to live in New England. My experiences there taught me so much and really changed the way I view life.
11/11: I am thankful for Josh and all of the other heroes who serve our great nation day in and day out. Lord please keep a watchful eye over this mischievous marine! He is very important to me!
11/12: I am thankful for Pandora. I have no idea how I would get anything done around my apt (Like multiple loads of laundry, vacuuming, dishes, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning out the fridge, cooking, etc) unless I had music to rock out to.
11/13: I am thankful for the beautiful weather today! 70 and sunny was a blessing this late in the year.
11/14: I am thankful for snail mail. It always makes me happy to get snail mail.
11/15: I am thankful for my Aunt and Uncle who let me spend the past 2 Turkey Days with them! It seems weird spending Thanksgiving at home this year.
11/16: I am thankful for Guy and Connie Ambrose as well as Aunt Beth and Uncle Kevin. They have been such strong supports for my parents in the past few years. They are fellowship and support in a nutshell.
11/17: I am thankful for facebook and blogspot for giving me the ability to keep in touch with the most important people in my life!
11/18: I am thankful for all my wonderful friends who stuck with me through my grief. I know it was not exactly a properly operating relationship, but you mean the world to me and if you ever need it, you know I'll be there for you in return!
11/19: I am thankful for the library. FREE reading!
11/20: I am thankful for the people who have invested time and effort into helping me get to where I am today. I only hope that I can pay it forward and mentor the students I get to work with now!
11/21: I am so thankful for Lucy and Bandit. They are a piece of Bryan that lives on. I can be okay with the fact that he never got to be a dad because he was their dad. They meant the world to him and they helped me through my grief.
11/22: I am so thankful for all my cousins! They have shaped me in ways we didn't even realize. The older I get, the more I appreciate them (including all of their little ones!).
11/23: I am thankful for Nugget! My first "adult" purchase was a very good decision. I have built up pretty awesome credit with Nugget and she has been so reliable! LOVE her!
11/24: I am thankful for mom's sweet potato casserole. MAJOR comfort food. When Bry and I used to fight over the leftovers from Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, this was the most sought after item. I miss that about him.
11/25: I am thankful for my Dad and all his goofy-ness. I never go home without some sort of snack or food that he got just for me, and some cash. He's convinced that I'm starving and poor. Half the time I am (haha).
*Update* I was too busy enjoying my thanksgiving with my family to finish this. I'm ok with that. My family is so important to me!
11/1: I am thankful for the professional development my job is pouring into me. In a few weeks, they are sending me on an all-expense paid trip to the Athletic Business Conference. I'm doing a pre-conference workshop that lets me tour backstage Disney and there is a session on the Vibram 5 Finger shoes that looks really interesting. And then in the spring, Mizzou will be sending me to get a climbing wall instructor certification as well.
11/2: I am thankful for Ellie, even if she isn't house trained yet. She makes coming home so much easier! She's always excited to see me and she cuddles up with me when I'm missing home. She also likes to walk me on her leash: She holds the leash in her mouth and pulls me places (haha).
11/3: I am so incredibly thankful for the folks who held Bry's hand after the accident, until the Medics got to the scene. They have touched my heart in ways I can't even explain. To value him enough to hold his hand even though things probably looked really grim is just amazing. I hope I would have the courage to do that in the same situation. They valued him as a human being, as somebody who belonged to somebody else. For the longest time after his death, I had sympathy for just about no one other than my family and this couple.
11/4: I am thankful for an evening to de-stress. I spent the evening in downtown, painting, eating pizza, drinking beer, and playing pool. After working for 2 weeks straight with out a day off, this evening was much appreciated.
11/5: Today I am thankful for a day off. I've done laundry and dishes, vacuumed the apt, I've got the crock pot on, I get to catch up on Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, hoping to even get some crafting done this afternoon.
11/6: I am thankful for good hot tea. Silly, I know, but tea has a way of calming me down and making me feel good. And it's calorie free. So much better than dessert!
11/7: I am thankful for Teri and Bryan. They shaped my life and they continue to influence me in a very positive way. I wouldn't be who I am today without them. I think about them each and everyday.
11/8: I am thankful for the students I get to work with each and every day. The Team Mizzou student staff is a great group. They challenge me and teach me (and the girls ALWAYS compliment my style). They make me laugh and they make me smile.
11/9: I am so thankful for my extended family, The Gozdeckis/Hayleys. Caitlin was the first person I called when I found out Bry had died. And they've allowed me to be a part of Henry's life as an aunt. Some days I think they know me better than I think I know me.
11/10: I am thankful for the 2 years I got to live in New England. My experiences there taught me so much and really changed the way I view life.
11/11: I am thankful for Josh and all of the other heroes who serve our great nation day in and day out. Lord please keep a watchful eye over this mischievous marine! He is very important to me!
11/12: I am thankful for Pandora. I have no idea how I would get anything done around my apt (Like multiple loads of laundry, vacuuming, dishes, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning out the fridge, cooking, etc) unless I had music to rock out to.
11/13: I am thankful for the beautiful weather today! 70 and sunny was a blessing this late in the year.
11/14: I am thankful for snail mail. It always makes me happy to get snail mail.
11/15: I am thankful for my Aunt and Uncle who let me spend the past 2 Turkey Days with them! It seems weird spending Thanksgiving at home this year.
11/16: I am thankful for Guy and Connie Ambrose as well as Aunt Beth and Uncle Kevin. They have been such strong supports for my parents in the past few years. They are fellowship and support in a nutshell.
11/17: I am thankful for facebook and blogspot for giving me the ability to keep in touch with the most important people in my life!
11/18: I am thankful for all my wonderful friends who stuck with me through my grief. I know it was not exactly a properly operating relationship, but you mean the world to me and if you ever need it, you know I'll be there for you in return!
11/19: I am thankful for the library. FREE reading!
11/20: I am thankful for the people who have invested time and effort into helping me get to where I am today. I only hope that I can pay it forward and mentor the students I get to work with now!
11/21: I am so thankful for Lucy and Bandit. They are a piece of Bryan that lives on. I can be okay with the fact that he never got to be a dad because he was their dad. They meant the world to him and they helped me through my grief.
11/22: I am so thankful for all my cousins! They have shaped me in ways we didn't even realize. The older I get, the more I appreciate them (including all of their little ones!).
11/23: I am thankful for Nugget! My first "adult" purchase was a very good decision. I have built up pretty awesome credit with Nugget and she has been so reliable! LOVE her!
11/24: I am thankful for mom's sweet potato casserole. MAJOR comfort food. When Bry and I used to fight over the leftovers from Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, this was the most sought after item. I miss that about him.
11/25: I am thankful for my Dad and all his goofy-ness. I never go home without some sort of snack or food that he got just for me, and some cash. He's convinced that I'm starving and poor. Half the time I am (haha).
*Update* I was too busy enjoying my thanksgiving with my family to finish this. I'm ok with that. My family is so important to me!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Tiger Cub
You know the Tiger Mom that stirred up a ton of debate this past year? Her daughter is now blogging (see the link on the right side of my page). She was also elected Valedictorian of her High School Class. Her speech was pretty awesome. Here it is written out:
I want to thank my wonderful teachers, family and friends who are here today, and my fellow seniors for giving me the honor of speaking. When I first started planning this speech a few weeks back, I realized that every possible speech has been done before. The reach-for-the-stars speech, the don’t-reach-for-the-stars speech, the speech about writing a speech – so I thought that instead of giving a speech of my own, for the next half hour or so I’d just read aloud from my favorite book: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.
Just kidding. I actually did write a speech. My friends, the unrivaled, indomitable class of 2011, today I want to talk about us. Along the way, I have just 3 things to say – and then let’s graduate.
So, seniors, who were we at Hopkins? We were the dream class. I don’t think any class in Hopkins history has spent so much time in the library, broken so many records, or possessed so much raw talent. We threw ourselves into our passions – as DJ’s, paramedics, and painters, running-backs, horse-back riders and center-mids – with unparalleled work ethic, integrity and zeal. We poured hundreds of hours into term papers and test preparations – and, well, it all paid off.
Yet somehow, we managed to have fun. Seniors, we were a class that crossed a lot of lines. We had ghostriding incidents, we put something in the water, and as far as I know, we’re the first Hopkins class ever to graduate in sunglasses.
Now all of this is wonderful. It’s who we are as a class. But the first point I want to make is that who you were at Hopkins doesn’t define who you will be for the rest of your life.
Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, a mother gave her children some paints to play with. Six out the seven kids painted puppets. The last kid took the paint and drew a life-size army battalion all over the walls of the room. That kid grew up to be Napoleon Bonaparte. Similarly, some of you already know exactly who want to be. Sam, I expect you to be president by our 30th reunion; Alex I want to see that Nobel prize, and Adam, you better be a 5-star general.
Let me tell you another story. A couple years ago, studious girl from Tennessee, plays in the school marching band, aces the SAT and gets into Barnard College. Today, that girl is Ke$ha, spelled with a dollar sign.
“Just be yourself” – I know these are supposed to be words of freedom, and of course they are, but it seems to me they can also be constricting: when you change, people get scared. It takes bravery to step out of your comfort zone, and people will always have something to say about it. You make new friends, suddenly you’re a social climber. You wear a new outfit to school, and suddenly, oh you’re trying so hard. NO. Okay, maybe the denim jumpsuit was a bad idea. But don’t listen. You have absolutely no obligation to be who you are at 18 for the rest of your life. It’s not wrong to change.
“Be yourself” means “be whoever you want to be.” Not “be who your friends think you are.” Not “be the same person you were last year.” If you’ve always known what you want to be, more power to you. But it’s equally great if you wake up tomorrow morning thinking, “I’m gonna take a gap year to make a documentary in Cambodia.” “I know I signed up to do Teach For America this fall, but – I wanna start a hedge fund.” Dare to be who you’re not. The world has no right to tell you who you are, so don’t let anyone’s judgment or expectations hold you back.
That’s point one. Let’s first come back to who we are, class of 2011. I began this speech by saying we have crossed lines together. But let’s face the reality: we go to Hopkins. Sure, we all make a big show of living life on the edge. “Macbeth paper due next period? Haven’t started.” You hear that everywhere. But everyone knows that in 55 minutes, that paper will be on Mr. Johnson’s desk. That’s also part of who we are: we so want to be rebellious, but we always get the job done.
So I think there’s a good chance that, sometime in the future when we are free from the constraints of Hopkins, many of us will want to do more than talk about breaking the mold. And that’s point two. If you want to rebel, rebel in a way that matters.
There’s a quote I love from Lolita – and this is probably the first time a valedictorian thought it was a good idea to quote a child-molesting psychopath – that reads as follows:
“it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good.”
A rebel has courage. A rebel undertakes personal risk for something they believe in. Anyone can say, “forget this,” cut class, smoke weed. You know why? Because it’s easy. It doesn’t make you a rebel. You’re a failing cog in the machine, but you’re still a cog in the machine.
If you don’t like the system, get out of the system. Because a lot of the time, the system is wrong. I don’t need to describe societal injustice; you know it’s out there. There is so much to fix. So often, the system is broken. Another mistake is to think that we have somehow maxed out, or “arrived.” With iPads, 3D-Printers, 4G networks, it may feel as though things can’t get any better, as though we’ve already made every possible breakthrough. But let me tell you, people felt that same way when fire first came out, and then stairs, and car-phones. There is ALWAYS something unfathomable around the corner. Instead of being shocked by the next earth-shattering discovery, make that discovery. Be the one salmon that swims downstream. Rock other people’s worlds.
If you want to be a rebel, don’t just break the rules: make the rules.
You could characterize rebellion as doing the WRONG thing for the RIGHT reason. My final point is that sometimes, it’s also okay to do the RIGHT thing for the WRONG reason.
What is the right reason to do the right thing? I think we, seniors, wrestle with this question all the time. We know too much to think people are saints. Seniors, you know what I’m talking about: you all filled out the CommonApp, and included the 5000 hours of community service and soup kitchens. It can make you more focused on the motive than the deed itself. You wonder if people actually care about the impoverished nation they’re holding a bake sale for. You want to volunteer at an animal shelter because puppies are cute, but also because girls go crazy for that sort of thing. And deep down, a voice inside you asks, “if I’m doing this for a selfish reason, should I be doing it at all?”
But again, don’t listen to that voice. Your motives may not be pure, but by taking action, you are doing more for the world than someone who does nothing at all. Doesn’t matter if that same voice says, “Working in a soup kitchen is so cliche.” Do it anyway. We’re too smart not to be cynical. But let’s be smart enough to be idealistic as well.
Well guys, this is it. The time has come to say goodbye: to your room, to your dog, to your childhood. Our time at Hopkins is over. For most of us, it’s the last time we’ll play on a varsity team, or know the name of everyone in our grade. All of us have toasted our last Ski Lodge Day marshmallows. We’ll never again be sent “off to class.” We’ve pledged our honor here for the final time.
So what have I said to you today? Dare to change. Dare to disobey. Dare to take action. My friends, you are brilliant, you are unbeatable, and now, I ask you to be bold as well.
If you go downtown, to the corner of College and Grove, you’ll find yourself at the Yale War Memorial. It’s quiet and cool, and the names of Yale’s fallen servicemen are carved on the walls. Above these names is an inscription, and very people know this, but that inscription was chosen by Hopkins’ own Simeon Baldwin in 1912. It reads, Courage disdains fame, and wins it. My friends, Hopkins class of 2011: Be courageous. Cross the line. Congratulations. Thank you.
I want to thank my wonderful teachers, family and friends who are here today, and my fellow seniors for giving me the honor of speaking. When I first started planning this speech a few weeks back, I realized that every possible speech has been done before. The reach-for-the-stars speech, the don’t-reach-for-the-stars speech, the speech about writing a speech – so I thought that instead of giving a speech of my own, for the next half hour or so I’d just read aloud from my favorite book: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.
Just kidding. I actually did write a speech. My friends, the unrivaled, indomitable class of 2011, today I want to talk about us. Along the way, I have just 3 things to say – and then let’s graduate.
So, seniors, who were we at Hopkins? We were the dream class. I don’t think any class in Hopkins history has spent so much time in the library, broken so many records, or possessed so much raw talent. We threw ourselves into our passions – as DJ’s, paramedics, and painters, running-backs, horse-back riders and center-mids – with unparalleled work ethic, integrity and zeal. We poured hundreds of hours into term papers and test preparations – and, well, it all paid off.
Yet somehow, we managed to have fun. Seniors, we were a class that crossed a lot of lines. We had ghostriding incidents, we put something in the water, and as far as I know, we’re the first Hopkins class ever to graduate in sunglasses.
Now all of this is wonderful. It’s who we are as a class. But the first point I want to make is that who you were at Hopkins doesn’t define who you will be for the rest of your life.
Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, a mother gave her children some paints to play with. Six out the seven kids painted puppets. The last kid took the paint and drew a life-size army battalion all over the walls of the room. That kid grew up to be Napoleon Bonaparte. Similarly, some of you already know exactly who want to be. Sam, I expect you to be president by our 30th reunion; Alex I want to see that Nobel prize, and Adam, you better be a 5-star general.
Let me tell you another story. A couple years ago, studious girl from Tennessee, plays in the school marching band, aces the SAT and gets into Barnard College. Today, that girl is Ke$ha, spelled with a dollar sign.
“Just be yourself” – I know these are supposed to be words of freedom, and of course they are, but it seems to me they can also be constricting: when you change, people get scared. It takes bravery to step out of your comfort zone, and people will always have something to say about it. You make new friends, suddenly you’re a social climber. You wear a new outfit to school, and suddenly, oh you’re trying so hard. NO. Okay, maybe the denim jumpsuit was a bad idea. But don’t listen. You have absolutely no obligation to be who you are at 18 for the rest of your life. It’s not wrong to change.
“Be yourself” means “be whoever you want to be.” Not “be who your friends think you are.” Not “be the same person you were last year.” If you’ve always known what you want to be, more power to you. But it’s equally great if you wake up tomorrow morning thinking, “I’m gonna take a gap year to make a documentary in Cambodia.” “I know I signed up to do Teach For America this fall, but – I wanna start a hedge fund.” Dare to be who you’re not. The world has no right to tell you who you are, so don’t let anyone’s judgment or expectations hold you back.
That’s point one. Let’s first come back to who we are, class of 2011. I began this speech by saying we have crossed lines together. But let’s face the reality: we go to Hopkins. Sure, we all make a big show of living life on the edge. “Macbeth paper due next period? Haven’t started.” You hear that everywhere. But everyone knows that in 55 minutes, that paper will be on Mr. Johnson’s desk. That’s also part of who we are: we so want to be rebellious, but we always get the job done.
So I think there’s a good chance that, sometime in the future when we are free from the constraints of Hopkins, many of us will want to do more than talk about breaking the mold. And that’s point two. If you want to rebel, rebel in a way that matters.
There’s a quote I love from Lolita – and this is probably the first time a valedictorian thought it was a good idea to quote a child-molesting psychopath – that reads as follows:
“it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good.”
A rebel has courage. A rebel undertakes personal risk for something they believe in. Anyone can say, “forget this,” cut class, smoke weed. You know why? Because it’s easy. It doesn’t make you a rebel. You’re a failing cog in the machine, but you’re still a cog in the machine.
If you don’t like the system, get out of the system. Because a lot of the time, the system is wrong. I don’t need to describe societal injustice; you know it’s out there. There is so much to fix. So often, the system is broken. Another mistake is to think that we have somehow maxed out, or “arrived.” With iPads, 3D-Printers, 4G networks, it may feel as though things can’t get any better, as though we’ve already made every possible breakthrough. But let me tell you, people felt that same way when fire first came out, and then stairs, and car-phones. There is ALWAYS something unfathomable around the corner. Instead of being shocked by the next earth-shattering discovery, make that discovery. Be the one salmon that swims downstream. Rock other people’s worlds.
If you want to be a rebel, don’t just break the rules: make the rules.
You could characterize rebellion as doing the WRONG thing for the RIGHT reason. My final point is that sometimes, it’s also okay to do the RIGHT thing for the WRONG reason.
What is the right reason to do the right thing? I think we, seniors, wrestle with this question all the time. We know too much to think people are saints. Seniors, you know what I’m talking about: you all filled out the CommonApp, and included the 5000 hours of community service and soup kitchens. It can make you more focused on the motive than the deed itself. You wonder if people actually care about the impoverished nation they’re holding a bake sale for. You want to volunteer at an animal shelter because puppies are cute, but also because girls go crazy for that sort of thing. And deep down, a voice inside you asks, “if I’m doing this for a selfish reason, should I be doing it at all?”
But again, don’t listen to that voice. Your motives may not be pure, but by taking action, you are doing more for the world than someone who does nothing at all. Doesn’t matter if that same voice says, “Working in a soup kitchen is so cliche.” Do it anyway. We’re too smart not to be cynical. But let’s be smart enough to be idealistic as well.
Well guys, this is it. The time has come to say goodbye: to your room, to your dog, to your childhood. Our time at Hopkins is over. For most of us, it’s the last time we’ll play on a varsity team, or know the name of everyone in our grade. All of us have toasted our last Ski Lodge Day marshmallows. We’ll never again be sent “off to class.” We’ve pledged our honor here for the final time.
So what have I said to you today? Dare to change. Dare to disobey. Dare to take action. My friends, you are brilliant, you are unbeatable, and now, I ask you to be bold as well.
If you go downtown, to the corner of College and Grove, you’ll find yourself at the Yale War Memorial. It’s quiet and cool, and the names of Yale’s fallen servicemen are carved on the walls. Above these names is an inscription, and very people know this, but that inscription was chosen by Hopkins’ own Simeon Baldwin in 1912. It reads, Courage disdains fame, and wins it. My friends, Hopkins class of 2011: Be courageous. Cross the line. Congratulations. Thank you.
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