Let It B

About 3 months after I turned 18, Bryan and I decided we wanted to get tattoos together. We were not planning on getting matching tattoos, just getting tattoos together. I think it seemed less scary if we got them together. Maybe Mom and Dad's anger would be halved or shared? Whatever it was, we wanted to get tattoos together.

We never seemed capable of making it happen though. I would be in town and Bry wouldn't have the money. Or we'd both have the money but not the time to devote to it. We just never made it happen. Then, when we were in Austin the summer before he died, we had the time and money and we tried. And they told us they wouldn't do it because we had been drinking. At that point, I honestly don't think either of us was drunk, but we didn't get tattoos.

And then Bry died. Maybe it's silly: I don't have many regrets in life, but I regret that we never made it happen before Bryan died.

A month into my grief, I knew I wanted to get a tattoo for Bryan. A memorial. I realized that one of the reasons I never had the time and money at the right time was that I didn't have anything I wanted as a tattoo that was worth spending that much on. Bryan was worth spending the time and money on though.

I actually tried to go to a tattoo parlor in NH before I flew home for Christmas that year but it was no longer there. Then, less than an hour after I landed, B's best friend called me and said the group was going to get Bryan tattoos and they wanted to invite me. I'm incredibly grateful they wanted to do this, too! For one, it made it easier on me to go with other people. And then it also showed me how much they loved B, too. Nothing will ever mean as much to me as it does to know about all the people who loved B so much.

And so, I went in with ideas and this is what I ended up with:




No, I did not forget the "e."

That always seems to be the question people ask me if they don't like tattoos. If they like tattoos, they're smart enough to know the lack of "e" was planned and ask what my tattoo means. Sometimes I explain in depth and others I just say it is for someone named "B."

I originally went in wanting a star with the letter B. B for Bry, a star because the only 2 things that helped calm me were the waves and the stars. Its amazing how small and insignificant you realize you are when looking at the stars or the waves. I don't mean that in a bad way either. I mean that God is so mighty and powerful. And that put a little perspective on my grief. Knowing that God was in control and had a plan helped in some small way. So since getting a tattoo of waves sounded silly, I wanted a star.

And then, from discussion with B's best friends, I realized my tattoo wasn't complete that way. Bryan introduced me to 90% of my taste in music. I probably would have discovered some of it through other people later on in life, but Bryan was the first person to make me listen to the Beatles. And country music (8 hour drive to the beach with Kenny Chesney's greatest hits on repeat!). And a little 80s band that half the people our age don't know. I can add Simon & Garfunkle to that list, too. And then there's the song about peaches (I'm smiling just thinking about this one. SO ridiculous!).

"Let it Be" seemed to fit so well with his attitude towards life. He made the best with what came his way, rarely stayed mad, and loved to laugh. So what if it's not perfect? There's something good we can find in the situation.

Now, let it B is a reminder to me; a reminder to be more like Bry, to stop stressing over the small stuff and enjoy life more, to laugh more and forgive people quickly.

As always, ripBPTily!

Crafting for Cousins

When I was little, my mother made these cute little gloves for my sister and me. We LOVED them. They were fancy and made us feel like a million bucks. I decided to make a few pairs to send to some little cousins of mine. I think they will get a kick out of them.

They are incredibly easy to make. You will need:

-Gloves for little hands
-Stuffing of some sort (I used plastic grocery bags)
-Fabric Paint (Glittery is even better)
-Rhinestone/Jewels



Steps:

1. Stuff the fingers of each glove.
2. Paint nails on the fingertips.
3. Paint a ring band on the ring finger and immediately place a gem on top.




EASY! :)

Giving Thanks!

Since Thanksgiving is right around the corner, I think now is a great opportunity to be thankful for all the blessing God has put in my life. Really, we should choose to give thanks every day, no blessing is too small and they surround us each and every day. For now, I'll start with thanking God for something new everyday in November.

11/1: I am thankful for the professional development my job is pouring into me. In a few weeks, they are sending me on an all-expense paid trip to the Athletic Business Conference. I'm doing a pre-conference workshop that lets me tour backstage Disney and there is a session on the Vibram 5 Finger shoes that looks really interesting. And then in the spring, Mizzou will be sending me to get a climbing wall instructor certification as well.

11/2: I am thankful for Ellie, even if she isn't house trained yet. She makes coming home so much easier! She's always excited to see me and she cuddles up with me when I'm missing home. She also likes to walk me on her leash: She holds the leash in her mouth and pulls me places (haha).

11/3: I am so incredibly thankful for the folks who held Bry's hand after the accident, until the Medics got to the scene. They have touched my heart in ways I can't even explain. To value him enough to hold his hand even though things probably looked really grim is just amazing. I hope I would have the courage to do that in the same situation. They valued him as a human being, as somebody who belonged to somebody else. For the longest time after his death, I had sympathy for just about no one other than my family and this couple.

11/4: I am thankful for an evening to de-stress. I spent the evening in downtown, painting, eating pizza, drinking beer, and playing pool. After working for 2 weeks straight with out a day off, this evening was much appreciated.

11/5: Today I am thankful for a day off. I've done laundry and dishes, vacuumed the apt, I've got the crock pot on, I get to catch up on Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice, hoping to even get some crafting done this afternoon.

11/6: I am thankful for good hot tea. Silly, I know, but tea has a way of calming me down and making me feel good. And it's calorie free. So much better than dessert!

11/7: I am thankful for Teri and Bryan. They shaped my life and they continue to influence me in a very positive way. I wouldn't be who I am today without them. I think about them each and everyday.

11/8: I am thankful for the students I get to work with each and every day. The Team Mizzou student staff is a great group. They challenge me and teach me (and the girls ALWAYS compliment my style). They make me laugh and they make me smile.

11/9: I am so thankful for my extended family, The Gozdeckis/Hayleys. Caitlin was the first person I called when I found out Bry had died. And they've allowed me to be a part of Henry's life as an aunt. Some days I think they know me better than I think I know me.

11/10: I am thankful for the 2 years I got to live in New England. My experiences there taught me so much and really changed the way I view life.

11/11: I am thankful for Josh and all of the other heroes who serve our great nation day in and day out. Lord please keep a watchful eye over this mischievous marine! He is very important to me!

11/12: I am thankful for Pandora. I have no idea how I would get anything done around my apt (Like multiple loads of laundry, vacuuming, dishes, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning out the fridge, cooking, etc) unless I had music to rock out to.

11/13: I am thankful for the beautiful weather today! 70 and sunny was a blessing this late in the year.

11/14: I am thankful for snail mail. It always makes me happy to get snail mail.

11/15: I am thankful for my Aunt and Uncle who let me spend the past 2 Turkey Days with them! It seems weird spending Thanksgiving at home this year.

11/16: I am thankful for Guy and Connie Ambrose as well as Aunt Beth and Uncle Kevin. They have been such strong supports for my parents in the past few years. They are fellowship and support in a nutshell.

11/17: I am thankful for facebook and blogspot for giving me the ability to keep in touch with the most important people in my life!

11/18: I am thankful for all my wonderful friends who stuck with me through my grief. I know it was not exactly a properly operating relationship, but you mean the world to me and if you ever need it, you know I'll be there for you in return!

11/19: I am thankful for the library. FREE reading!

11/20: I am thankful for the people who have invested time and effort into helping me get to where I am today. I only hope that I can pay it forward and mentor the students I get to work with now!

11/21: I am so thankful for Lucy and Bandit. They are a piece of Bryan that lives on. I can be okay with the fact that he never got to be a dad because he was their dad. They meant the world to him and they helped me through my grief.

11/22: I am so thankful for all my cousins! They have shaped me in ways we didn't even realize. The older I get, the more I appreciate them (including all of their little ones!).

11/23: I am thankful for Nugget! My first "adult" purchase was a very good decision. I have built up pretty awesome credit with Nugget and she has been so reliable! LOVE her!

11/24: I am thankful for mom's sweet potato casserole. MAJOR comfort food. When Bry and I used to fight over the leftovers from Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, this was the most sought after item. I miss that about him.

11/25: I am thankful for my Dad and all his goofy-ness. I never go home without some sort of snack or food that he got just for me, and some cash. He's convinced that I'm starving and poor. Half the time I am (haha).

*Update* I was too busy enjoying my thanksgiving with my family to finish this. I'm ok with that. My family is so important to me!