We never seemed capable of making it happen though. I would be in town and Bry wouldn't have the money. Or we'd both have the money but not the time to devote to it. We just never made it happen. Then, when we were in Austin the summer before he died, we had the time and money and we tried. And they told us they wouldn't do it because we had been drinking. At that point, I honestly don't think either of us was drunk, but we didn't get tattoos.
And then Bry died. Maybe it's silly: I don't have many regrets in life, but I regret that we never made it happen before Bryan died.
A month into my grief, I knew I wanted to get a tattoo for Bryan. A memorial. I realized that one of the reasons I never had the time and money at the right time was that I didn't have anything I wanted as a tattoo that was worth spending that much on. Bryan was worth spending the time and money on though.
I actually tried to go to a tattoo parlor in NH before I flew home for Christmas that year but it was no longer there. Then, less than an hour after I landed, B's best friend called me and said the group was going to get Bryan tattoos and they wanted to invite me. I'm incredibly grateful they wanted to do this, too! For one, it made it easier on me to go with other people. And then it also showed me how much they loved B, too. Nothing will ever mean as much to me as it does to know about all the people who loved B so much.
And so, I went in with ideas and this is what I ended up with:
No, I did not forget the "e."
That always seems to be the question people ask me if they don't like tattoos. If they like tattoos, they're smart enough to know the lack of "e" was planned and ask what my tattoo means. Sometimes I explain in depth and others I just say it is for someone named "B."
I originally went in wanting a star with the letter B. B for Bry, a star because the only 2 things that helped calm me were the waves and the stars. Its amazing how small and insignificant you realize you are when looking at the stars or the waves. I don't mean that in a bad way either. I mean that God is so mighty and powerful. And that put a little perspective on my grief. Knowing that God was in control and had a plan helped in some small way. So since getting a tattoo of waves sounded silly, I wanted a star.
And then, from discussion with B's best friends, I realized my tattoo wasn't complete that way. Bryan introduced me to 90% of my taste in music. I probably would have discovered some of it through other people later on in life, but Bryan was the first person to make me listen to the Beatles. And country music (8 hour drive to the beach with Kenny Chesney's greatest hits on repeat!). And a little 80s band that half the people our age don't know. I can add Simon & Garfunkle to that list, too. And then there's the song about peaches (I'm smiling just thinking about this one. SO ridiculous!).
"Let it Be" seemed to fit so well with his attitude towards life. He made the best with what came his way, rarely stayed mad, and loved to laugh. So what if it's not perfect? There's something good we can find in the situation.
Now, let it B is a reminder to me; a reminder to be more like Bry, to stop stressing over the small stuff and enjoy life more, to laugh more and forgive people quickly.
As always, ripBPTily!
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