Sitting in the Ashes

I recently read a story about an army chaplain serving in Afghanistan. People continually ask him how he deals with not being able to answer the tough life and death questions, as well as praying over so many soldiers as they die.

I found his answer quite perfect. He calls it "sitting in the ashes." In the Book of Job, Job loses absolutely everything- all his worldly possessions, his family, and even his health. His friends choose to sit with him in the ashes of his destroyed house because they know of nothing else they can do.

I think what people don't realize is that "sitting in the ashes" is one of the best things you can do for a person. It is truly an art to be able to sit with someone and know the depths of their despair without trying to fix them. Somethings just can't be fixed, despite the fact that it's human nature to want to make things better.

When my brother died, I so often craved people to sit in the ashes with me; to not tell me cliches like "things will get better" and quote Jeremiah 29:11 and tell me not to cry. Some situations in life call for tears and grieving. Those times are made easier when you have someone who is willing to sit in the ashes with you.

Before Bryan's death, I didn't understand this. I was the first one to quote Jeremiah 29:11 (I do truly love the verse, but think about the ending before you tell someone this. Bryan didn't have a future). Even now, I'm not perfect at it, but I'm learning. I find it comforting that there are other people out there who get this concept.

Challenge: The next time someone you know needs a good cry, don't stop them from crying. Sit in the ashes with them. It'll make you a better friend!